Though I am following closely and chiming in every now and then, I am making every effort to accept the deep disappointment, the sadness over our ongoing disintegration not only worldwide, but also in Canada in the Anglican Catholic Church of Canada, and to move on emotionally and spiritually. Most of these days I am deeply at peace and joyful in this Advent season, but I do have days where the sorrow comes back and crushes me.
Meanwhile I am grateful for our little congregation here in Ottawa that is still Rome-ward bound and as long as it is, I will stay the course with them. The future is shaky and uncertain for us. But as one of my fellow
parishioners said, now we still have our beautiful worship, we still have our precious parish family life. I have been so blessed by my membership in this church---for liturgy and worship that is theologically consistent, for a priest in Bishop Carl Reid who really believes what he prays and has been an example of how to respond graciously to betrayal, for a Metropolitan Bishop in Peter Wilkinson who is an example of holiness and patience and theological erudition.I feel very badly for Archbishop Hepworth as I believe he was severely sexually abused and most people do not understand what happens to victims and how they get primed to be victimized again and again and feel helpless to stop it. The other night I was listening to As It Happens and an interview with a former hockey player who was sexually abused by his coach. He said he took a long time to come forward because he knew his story would be hard to believe since at the age of 15 when this occurred he was already 6'4" tall and bigger and probably stronger than the coach. But he deeply regrets now not coming forward because after him several more boys were abused by this same man. He lives daily with the knowledge that his silence might have allowed this abuse to continue.
Maybe it was not wise for Hepworth to take his case to the news media. Maybe he oversold Anglicanorum coetibus to us and it was not the answer to our request for corporate reunion we hoped, as is clear now. It is about individual conversion and some kind of corporate arrangement after the fact. (And as the crack up of our communion reveals, maybe we weren't unified enough on our desires as Hepworth hoped we would be). Maybe the TAC was not really ready for what he was trying the shepherd us into.
Fr. Chadwick writes at The English Catholic:
I ought to observe one or two hard realities. As a Church, we all in a way share the responsibility for our Archbishop – Primate’s shortcomings, because our bishops elected him and the rest of us accepted his authority. Personally, I applied to him back in 2005 to be accepted into the TAC clergy. It was very easy at any stage to find out that Archbishop Hepworth was a former Roman Catholic priest and had a failed marriage to his credit, matters that Rome would never dispense for any reason. We should have known that and made our choices at the root.
Conversely, the world imputes vicarious responsibility to leaders for every sin of his subjects. Pope Benedict XVI is being blamed for paedophile clergy, and is having to accept the consequences. The Pope has never done anything wrong with a child, and most TAC clergy have never been Roman Catholics.
But, the stigma is shared, and we have to assume it and repair it. Another way of thinking is that we went along with the decision of October 2007 to seek union with Rome. Rome decided that the union would not be corporate. So we have to convert individually and close down our parishes, dioceses, schools or whatever. The reality is somewhere between the two.
I think Hepworth's goals were noble---Christian unity! And thanks to his shepherding, I do want to go all the way to become Catholic. That's leadership. He was inspiring to hear back in the day before all these personal details became such a horrific distraction. None of the other bishops in the TAC who seem to be overly eagerly vying to take the primate's place attract me. I could not be under their authority. The good and holy ones Bishops Robert Mercer, Peter Wilkinson and Carl Reid are Romeward-bound no matter what, and I follow them. And I think Bishop Craig Botterill will eventually lead a second wave in some time down the road. And I believe Hepworth, too, after he has left what remains of the Anglican Catholic Church of Australia that does not enter an ordinariate in decent shape, will probably make his personal peace with the Catholic Church and do what whatever he has to do to make the possible.
Please, if you are coming to gawk at the train wreck, resist the temptation to finger-point and judge and lay blame. Pray for us, give us time to heal and try to put yourself in our shoes before you treat us with scorn and contempt. And please resist the temptation to wave sections of the Catechism in our faces, or insist that if we don't join the Catholic Church right now as individuals we risk going to hell if we die tomorrow. Acting as if you think you are the Holy Spirit Himself convicting of sin and convincing of truth has the effect of pushing me (and most others I imagine) in the opposite direction. It makes me not want to be with people who think they can browbeat you into the the Catholic Church. I pray that I will never be that kind of "convert." If you some day hear me laying down that kind of line, I give you permission to slap me. I have known some who have tried these tactics for the past 20 years. Hasn't worked. Won't work. Not with me.
Love alone is credible, to quote the title of a book by Balthasar. None of the holiest prelates I know would ever treat me that way. Instead, they know enough to let the Holy Spirit do His work and get out of the way. Jesus leaves us in freedom; the Father's love draws us. He does not force. He does not pressure. Those Catholics who make me want to be in communion with them draw me with the Father's love and show me the face of Jesus.
Continuing Anglicanism is no longer an option for me. I will join the Catholic Church. But not every aspect of timing is under my control and nor do I know how or what form my entry will take.
No comments:
Post a Comment